A Case Study: The I’m’s…..

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You know who they are — we work with them, we may live with them, we’re friends with them, they’re disbursed throughout our families, we pass them in cars and on the street everyday. Those familiar people who, for lack of a better word, are assholes who think the world revolves around THEM. They are what I comically call “The I’m’s“.

They can call or text early in the morning, late at night, at work, in the store, in the gym, in the car….anywhere at anytime when they need YOUR help. They sound the alarm and expect you to come running and, like the sucker you are, you answer the call to action. They will walk through a burning fire, scale the highest mountain, swim in the deepest ocean, fight the most abominable traffic, hop a flight, take a cab, get on the bus, walk, take the subway, go out into the hottest weather or the coldest blizzard to get to you when THEY need something.

But here is when they earn their title. You may be someone who rarely asks for favors and try to handle your life like a BOSS. But the second you ask one of these “I’m’s” for the teeniest, tiniest of favors, here it comes, what for it…I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’m too sleepy, I’m too hungry, I’m too hot, I’m too cold, I’m too exhausted (to drive), I’m not in your neighborhood, I’m stuck on the freeway and it’s too far out of my way, I’m working late, I’m digging a tunnel to China, I’m feeding the cat/dog, I’m washing my car, I’m picking my nose, I’m plucking my eyebrows, I’m scratching my butt (it may take a while), I’m involved with family commitments (family is never an issue for these people until it involves helping you, that’s their excuse), I’m inventing the cure for whatever illness I can think of that will get me out of assisting you, I’m too broke to drive because I need to conserve my gas so I can get to work, though they forgot their lie and posted numerous pictures on Facebook and Instagram of them out at a swanky restaurant or party, bragging about how much fun they had. This list could literally go on forever. But I think you get point.

The I’m’s are basically narcissists with a little bit of passive/aggressiveness and egomania thrown in for good measure. Usually they’re innocuous and they’re not particularly bad people. But they are draining and infuriating. They have no idea that their actions affect their relationships with people in their personal as well as their professional lives. They only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear and everything else is white noise. They can pick other people apart at the seams but when they’re called on their bullshit, they become extremely defensive, then try to flip the script and blame the issue on YOU. It’s Psych 101…..a classic move if there ever was one.

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So it brings me to this little sage piece of advice: if they’re in your life, you must make a decision if they’re worth the frustration, headaches and hurt feelings you’ll have dealing with them. Can you accept the mind-numbing fact that they are who they are and they won’t change. Or do you jump ship, swim as fast as you can to the shore, get to a safe haven, shower, change your clothes and catch the first thing smokin’ as far away from them as you can get. The choice is yours. I have some decisions to make of my own and it may be painful but I know what I need to do to preserve my sanity. You see, I’m not your garden variety woman, I have 1-800-FUCK-YOU on speed dial. I have very few problems with doing a surgical incision on relationships that are more of a liability than an asset. That’s just who I am.

So until next time, have a great weekend and I will keep everyone posted on my Winter cleaning. 🙂 Peace!

Hello My Name Is….SINGLE!

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Someone recently asked me if I ever plan on getting married again and the answer was a resounding NO! Not that I’m against marriage but I’ve been there and done that. And in all fairness to my ex, he’s not some bad, lying and cheating man who was the consummate evil. We just drifted in different directions but we’re still great friends. I’ve found that for me, marriage doesn’t agree with my personality nor my temperament. I’ve never been a woman who needed a ring, a piece of paper and a kid to validate me. I’m lucky, I grew up with parents who never pressured me to conform. My mom always said that my life was my life and no one else’s. I needed to do what felt right to me and if that meant never getting married and having kids or any combination thereof, so be it.
I’ve heard all the formulaic cautionary tales and musings about being single and childless and I say suck it. Being married and having kids guarantees nothing. Just look at the people dumped in nursing homes because those lovely children of theirs no longer want to be bothered. Well, that is unless there’s money involved but that’s another topic of conversation. Oh and there’s Peter and Polly Perfect. The ones you just want to smack, droning on and on about their perfect marriage, their perfect kids, their perfect dogs, their perfect home, their perfect car, their perfect job….just perfect…perfect…perfect!!!! Ugh!
I’m always very leery of anyone singing the praises of their perfect marriages and lives. It brings to mind, “doth protest too much, methinks”. Many times, sad to say, those marriages are the ones in the most trouble. It isn’t impossible to have a happy marriage and yes there are many people who’ve been married for decades. My parents for one. But society, family and friends need to pull their foot off the gas pedal and stop making the assumption that marriage is what everyone wants. Some people aren’t marriage or parent material. It doesn’t make them bad people, it just means they had common sense enough to know themselves. I believe fully, if you are unhappy in your marriage and you’ve done all you can do to salvage it, then leave. You can’t make someone want to be with you if they’ve emotionally or physically checked out. Far too many times people live on fantasy island and believe in fairytales. Fairytales only exist in films and books. Life is a different ball of wax.
I think the divorce rate would plummet if people started being real with themselves about what it is they truly want before they get married and have children. I also think society should back way off with indoctrinating people with the idea that the only way they will find true happiness and fulfillment is through marriage and children. That may be true for some, but not all. Marriage can be a wonderful joining of two mature people who know what they want and are working toward that goal. But life can also be a beautiful thing when people work towards their goals going solo. Not everyone does well land-locked and guess what…that’s okay too. You owe no one any explanations on how you conduct your life…it’s yours, so now go out there and enjoy it.
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Batsh*t Crazy…Why Narcissists Make Your Head Explode!

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We all know them; we work with them,  interact with them at events, parties, numerous social gatherings, school  and yes, they’re even in our  families. The ever-present all-consuming ones who create drama…they feed off volatile situations like legendary vampires feed off human blood. They go from person to person telling tales of imaginary wrongs foisted upon them by the abundance of bad people who always mean them ill-will. And believe me, it’s always and forever someone else and never them.

They can’t keep a job because the boss, lets see — hates them, is jealous of them, less intelligent than them, less deserving of the title than them and we can’t forget the “isms”, no need to name them. Never-mind the insignificant little details that may involve tardiness, insubordination, arrogance and possible incompetence. That’s conveniently left out of the conversation because…wait for it, it’s not their fault! Shhhhhhhh….

If their relationships or marriages fall apart, of course, they’re the injured party and here comes the pity express. Need I say more. They rant, rave, pout, whine, storm out of rooms like crazy people, point fingers, foster hellish and nightmarish situations that an Academy Award winning screenwriter couldn’t possibly dream up in a thousand years. But somehow in their twisted sense of self, they will never own up to being the writer, director, editor, executive producer and star of their own melodrama or in many cases, horror film.

Oh, and lest I forget, how they can drag other people into their bizarre psychotic episodes. They can have you embroiled in conflicts that you have no knowledge of until you start receiving texts, Facebook messages, Tweets, phone calls and emails asking to explain. And your first thought is what the fuck is going on?????? Then you call them on their bullshit and out comes the righteous indignation; head explosion part deux!

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Who am I talking about….energy vampires, malignant narcissists, self-absorbed morons, all about me jerks and batshit crazy loonies who live in a world created by them, for them and about them. No matter what, they can take a perfectly happy day and obliterate it into dust. When the meme “misery loves company” was invented, it was a person who was victimized by one of these foreboding creatures.

So people, take it  from one who knows, get these joy-sucking leeches out of your life! They serve no one but themselves and they don’t love anyone more than they love themselves. It’s evidenced by the their constant praising (of themselves) and kissing their own asses.  Oops, almost forgot, they’re smarter than everyone else on the planet and  they have no hesitation in telling you that…often. These nutters will drain the last ounce of breath out of your body and brain cells out of your head. They inherently aren’t worth what you go through to deal with them. They will never change but what they will do, is change YOU!

RUN!!!!! Your physical and emotional health depends on it!!!

HAPPY LABOR DAY TO ALL HARD-WORKING PEOPLE GLOBALLY!

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To the global working community, have a peaceful and restful Labor Day! And remember this – people making up the “labor” have always been less valued than those individuals who are business owners, CEO’s, senior executives and various captains of industry. Without labor, life as we know it would have never come to fruition. It is time for the United States and any country who does not understand the concept of a “decent standard of living”, to step up to the plate and pay working class people a fair living wage. It is a RIGHT, not a present given only to a chosen few deemed worthy. Peace!

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Where Does the Madness End? Do We Start Cutting Away Our Body Parts Out of Fear?

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First of all, what I’m about to say is not any sort of anti-Angelina Jolie diatribe, don’t know the woman personally. Nor is it a biting, hard-hitting treatise on celebrity worship by society and the media. There are elements in the blog, but they’re there to make a point about common sense and allowing fear to get the best of you. So here we go….

I have definite opinions on what Angelina Jolie decided to do about the fact that she found out she was at a high risk of contracting breast as well as ovarian cancer. Though I’m not quite in agreement with the choices she made, I absolutely feel she had the right to do what she thought was best for her and her family. That being said, what is more troubling is the idea that we can somehow get these genetic tests, consult with doctors, have the surgeries (provided you can afford the entire process, including reconstruction) and all will be well in your life forever. Somehow, you’ve become cancer-proof.

WRONG! Angelina Jolie has the means to consult with the best doctors in the world. She can take off from her acting, recuperate and then get breast reconstruction. But what people fail to realize is that reconstruction is considered by most insurance companies as a cosmetic procedure and they are hard-pressed to pay for it. Then there’s the invincibility factor–have the surgery and you’ll never have to worry about cancer again. Never-mind that there are many other forms of cancer you can still be diagnosed with. And some, you may not have a family history of.

This sets many women up to have a false sense of security. And where does it end? Melissa Etheridge, who is a breast cancer survivor said on People.com and The Huffington Post that she felt (and I’m paraphrasing) Angelina’s decision was made in fear. She also felt that maybe she should have just waited for a while because she doesn’t have cancer. Innocent statement…well not to Angelina fanatics. They’ve ripped into Etheridge as if she stole something. How dare she say anything against their goddess because well, it’s Angelina Jolie.

Many of us have been personally affected by cancer, either ourselves battling the disease, a colleague, a friend or family member. Yes cancer is an extremely scary disease. Yes it does kill thousands and thousands of people everyday somewhere in the world. But there are some cancers, if caught in their early stages, that are curable and you can go on to live a long happy life. Even in the worst case scenario and you’re diagnosed with one of the hard to treat ones in its advanced stages, I am a firm believer that if it’s not your time, you’re not going anywhere.

The celebrity of Jolie has set a terrible precedence and this is why. Most people can’t afford those procedures nor do they have insurance. Nothing in life makes any one of us immune to disease, not even some high-profile celebrity. And, with all the genetic testing that is at our fingertips and some out there on the horizon, are we heading in the direction of being a society that believes in unnecessary, major surgical procedures instead of just taking a wait and see attitude if you don’t have the disease yet? What Jolie went through was indeed major surgery. Yes I understand that her mother and aunt died of the disease. I also understand that she wants to live to see her six children become adults. But what Ms. Jolie  and many of those who are contemplating  having the procedure is completely glossing over, is that at any given time, a person can leave their home and get hit by a bus, a car, have some freak accident, die of some undiagnosed illness they didn’t know they had or just simply die of natural causes. We are not designed  to live forever and no matter what you do, we have a definitive amount of time on our life clocks and when that time is up, we move on.

I am by no means saying that people don’t have a right to do with their bodies what they will, but what is extraordinarily disturbing is when women look to these celebrities, pop doctors and various other health gurus as their beacons of extended or eternal life. That misguided mindset could have them feeling as if they’re little bullet-proof superwomen, which in my opinion, is more dangerous than the diseases they’re trying to prevent.

Melissa Etheridge Calls Angelina Jolie’s Double Mastectomy A ‘Fearful’ Choice

Posted: 06/18/2013 8:48 am EDT  |  Updated: 06/18/2013 12:01 pm EDT

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Melissa Etheridge Angelina Jolie

Singer Melissa Etheridge called Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy a “fearful” choice.

At least one person doesn’t agree with Angelina Jolie’s decision to undergo a preventive double mastectomy earlier this year. Melissa Etheridge, who beat breast cancer in 2005, told the Washington Blade newspaper that Jolie — whose doctors warned her of an 87 percent risk of developing breast cancer — acted out of fear rather than bravery.

The two-time Grammy winner, 52, said she suffered from the same gene mutation that Jolie claimed to have, but that she would have reacted differently. An excerpt from her interview is below:

“I wouldn’t call it the brave choice. I actually think it’s the most fearful choice you can make when confronting anything with cancer. My belief is that cancer comes from inside you and so much of it has to do with the environment of your body. It’s the stress that will turn that gene on or not. Plenty of people have the gene mutation and everything but it never comes to cancer so I would say to anybody faced with that, that choice is way down the line on the spectrum of what you can do and to really consider the advancements we’ve made in things like nutrition and stress levels. I’ve been cancer free for nine years now and looking back, I completely understand why I got cancer. There was so much acidity in everything.”

The comments are similar to ones that Etheridge made to Shape magazine about being cancer-free. “Once I overcame breast cancer, I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore. I now have a different relationship with fear. There are only two things in our reality, love and fear. I try to make choices out of love,” she said.

When asked about Etheridge’s comments Monday while promoting his new movie, “World War Z,” Jolie’s husband, Brad Pitt, said he hadn’t yet formulated his thoughts. “I don’t know. Somebody just said that,” he told Us Weekly. “Melissa’s an old friend of mine. I’m sure we’ll talk over the phone. I don’t know what it is.”

Jolie, 38, announced her decision to undergo surgery in a candid op-ed piece for the New York Times in May. Less than two weeks later, Jolie’s aunt, Debbie Martin, died of breast cancer at age 61.

Memorial Day

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Memorial day is a time to pause, reflect and remember those brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice to secure our freedoms.

They are our true heroes and heroines – we will never forget you. And to our military personnel still serving, you are loved, cherished and respected. May your journey be safe and come home to us soon.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!

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We Salute Our Brave Men and Women In The Armed Forces!

Today is Armed Forces Day and as a person who knows many friends and family who have served, I can only say — I’m proud of your strength, courage, character, bravery and sense of duty. You’ve served your country well and to those still serving, stay safe, be well, know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and come home soon.

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