A Case Study: The I’m’s…..

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You know who they are — we work with them, we may live with them, we’re friends with them, they’re disbursed throughout our families, we pass them in cars and on the street everyday. Those familiar people who, for lack of a better word, are assholes who think the world revolves around THEM. They are what I comically call “The I’m’s“.

They can call or text early in the morning, late at night, at work, in the store, in the gym, in the car….anywhere at anytime when they need YOUR help. They sound the alarm and expect you to come running and, like the sucker you are, you answer the call to action. They will walk through a burning fire, scale the highest mountain, swim in the deepest ocean, fight the most abominable traffic, hop a flight, take a cab, get on the bus, walk, take the subway, go out into the hottest weather or the coldest blizzard to get to you when THEY need something.

But here is when they earn their title. You may be someone who rarely asks for favors and try to handle your life like a BOSS. But the second you ask one of these “I’m’s” for the teeniest, tiniest of favors, here it comes, what for it…I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’m too sleepy, I’m too hungry, I’m too hot, I’m too cold, I’m too exhausted (to drive), I’m not in your neighborhood, I’m stuck on the freeway and it’s too far out of my way, I’m working late, I’m digging a tunnel to China, I’m feeding the cat/dog, I’m washing my car, I’m picking my nose, I’m plucking my eyebrows, I’m scratching my butt (it may take a while), I’m involved with family commitments (family is never an issue for these people until it involves helping you, that’s their excuse), I’m inventing the cure for whatever illness I can think of that will get me out of assisting you, I’m too broke to drive because I need to conserve my gas so I can get to work, though they forgot their lie and posted numerous pictures on Facebook and Instagram of them out at a swanky restaurant or party, bragging about how much fun they had. This list could literally go on forever. But I think you get point.

The I’m’s are basically narcissists with a little bit of passive/aggressiveness and egomania thrown in for good measure. Usually they’re innocuous and they’re not particularly bad people. But they are draining and infuriating. They have no idea that their actions affect their relationships with people in their personal as well as their professional lives. They only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear and everything else is white noise. They can pick other people apart at the seams but when they’re called on their bullshit, they become extremely defensive, then try to flip the script and blame the issue on YOU. It’s Psych 101…..a classic move if there ever was one.

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So it brings me to this little sage piece of advice: if they’re in your life, you must make a decision if they’re worth the frustration, headaches and hurt feelings you’ll have dealing with them. Can you accept the mind-numbing fact that they are who they are and they won’t change. Or do you jump ship, swim as fast as you can to the shore, get to a safe haven, shower, change your clothes and catch the first thing smokin’ as far away from them as you can get. The choice is yours. I have some decisions to make of my own and it may be painful but I know what I need to do to preserve my sanity. You see, I’m not your garden variety woman, I have 1-800-FUCK-YOU on speed dial. I have very few problems with doing a surgical incision on relationships that are more of a liability than an asset. That’s just who I am.

So until next time, have a great weekend and I will keep everyone posted on my Winter cleaning. 🙂 Peace!

Where Does the Madness End? Do We Start Cutting Away Our Body Parts Out of Fear?

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First of all, what I’m about to say is not any sort of anti-Angelina Jolie diatribe, don’t know the woman personally. Nor is it a biting, hard-hitting treatise on celebrity worship by society and the media. There are elements in the blog, but they’re there to make a point about common sense and allowing fear to get the best of you. So here we go….

I have definite opinions on what Angelina Jolie decided to do about the fact that she found out she was at a high risk of contracting breast as well as ovarian cancer. Though I’m not quite in agreement with the choices she made, I absolutely feel she had the right to do what she thought was best for her and her family. That being said, what is more troubling is the idea that we can somehow get these genetic tests, consult with doctors, have the surgeries (provided you can afford the entire process, including reconstruction) and all will be well in your life forever. Somehow, you’ve become cancer-proof.

WRONG! Angelina Jolie has the means to consult with the best doctors in the world. She can take off from her acting, recuperate and then get breast reconstruction. But what people fail to realize is that reconstruction is considered by most insurance companies as a cosmetic procedure and they are hard-pressed to pay for it. Then there’s the invincibility factor–have the surgery and you’ll never have to worry about cancer again. Never-mind that there are many other forms of cancer you can still be diagnosed with. And some, you may not have a family history of.

This sets many women up to have a false sense of security. And where does it end? Melissa Etheridge, who is a breast cancer survivor said on People.com and The Huffington Post that she felt (and I’m paraphrasing) Angelina’s decision was made in fear. She also felt that maybe she should have just waited for a while because she doesn’t have cancer. Innocent statement…well not to Angelina fanatics. They’ve ripped into Etheridge as if she stole something. How dare she say anything against their goddess because well, it’s Angelina Jolie.

Many of us have been personally affected by cancer, either ourselves battling the disease, a colleague, a friend or family member. Yes cancer is an extremely scary disease. Yes it does kill thousands and thousands of people everyday somewhere in the world. But there are some cancers, if caught in their early stages, that are curable and you can go on to live a long happy life. Even in the worst case scenario and you’re diagnosed with one of the hard to treat ones in its advanced stages, I am a firm believer that if it’s not your time, you’re not going anywhere.

The celebrity of Jolie has set a terrible precedence and this is why. Most people can’t afford those procedures nor do they have insurance. Nothing in life makes any one of us immune to disease, not even some high-profile celebrity. And, with all the genetic testing that is at our fingertips and some out there on the horizon, are we heading in the direction of being a society that believes in unnecessary, major surgical procedures instead of just taking a wait and see attitude if you don’t have the disease yet? What Jolie went through was indeed major surgery. Yes I understand that her mother and aunt died of the disease. I also understand that she wants to live to see her six children become adults. But what Ms. Jolie  and many of those who are contemplating  having the procedure is completely glossing over, is that at any given time, a person can leave their home and get hit by a bus, a car, have some freak accident, die of some undiagnosed illness they didn’t know they had or just simply die of natural causes. We are not designed  to live forever and no matter what you do, we have a definitive amount of time on our life clocks and when that time is up, we move on.

I am by no means saying that people don’t have a right to do with their bodies what they will, but what is extraordinarily disturbing is when women look to these celebrities, pop doctors and various other health gurus as their beacons of extended or eternal life. That misguided mindset could have them feeling as if they’re little bullet-proof superwomen, which in my opinion, is more dangerous than the diseases they’re trying to prevent.

Melissa Etheridge Calls Angelina Jolie’s Double Mastectomy A ‘Fearful’ Choice

Posted: 06/18/2013 8:48 am EDT  |  Updated: 06/18/2013 12:01 pm EDT

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Melissa Etheridge Angelina Jolie

Singer Melissa Etheridge called Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy a “fearful” choice.

At least one person doesn’t agree with Angelina Jolie’s decision to undergo a preventive double mastectomy earlier this year. Melissa Etheridge, who beat breast cancer in 2005, told the Washington Blade newspaper that Jolie — whose doctors warned her of an 87 percent risk of developing breast cancer — acted out of fear rather than bravery.

The two-time Grammy winner, 52, said she suffered from the same gene mutation that Jolie claimed to have, but that she would have reacted differently. An excerpt from her interview is below:

“I wouldn’t call it the brave choice. I actually think it’s the most fearful choice you can make when confronting anything with cancer. My belief is that cancer comes from inside you and so much of it has to do with the environment of your body. It’s the stress that will turn that gene on or not. Plenty of people have the gene mutation and everything but it never comes to cancer so I would say to anybody faced with that, that choice is way down the line on the spectrum of what you can do and to really consider the advancements we’ve made in things like nutrition and stress levels. I’ve been cancer free for nine years now and looking back, I completely understand why I got cancer. There was so much acidity in everything.”

The comments are similar to ones that Etheridge made to Shape magazine about being cancer-free. “Once I overcame breast cancer, I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore. I now have a different relationship with fear. There are only two things in our reality, love and fear. I try to make choices out of love,” she said.

When asked about Etheridge’s comments Monday while promoting his new movie, “World War Z,” Jolie’s husband, Brad Pitt, said he hadn’t yet formulated his thoughts. “I don’t know. Somebody just said that,” he told Us Weekly. “Melissa’s an old friend of mine. I’m sure we’ll talk over the phone. I don’t know what it is.”

Jolie, 38, announced her decision to undergo surgery in a candid op-ed piece for the New York Times in May. Less than two weeks later, Jolie’s aunt, Debbie Martin, died of breast cancer at age 61.

Flirting at 35,000 feet…Bad Idea.

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I was reading an article (see below) about Richard Branson coming up with this idea where if you see someone on your flight that you may want to get to know, you can send them over a drink, food…whatever is necessary to get their attention.

This is an extremely bad idea. As a woman who often flies for business, the last thing I want is some creepy guy I don’t know sending me a drink. Then if I decline, I run the risk of either having a very uncomfortable situation at 35,000 feet or being harassed as I’m walking through the airport after the flight. Been there…done that. Booze, horniness, women and men don’t mix in a closed, inescapable environment such as the cabin on a plane unless you’re with your significant other and you want to join the mile-high club. And even then, you really should hold it for the hotel.

Women have to be extra cautious and show due diligence when traveling alone as it is, then to be put in a position where if a guy is rebuffed and becomes agitated,  you’d have no recourse other than to involve the flight crew …oh HELL NO! I don’t even accept drinks in clubs while out with friends.

Unfortunately, there are crazy, unstable people walking and living among us and you can’t always spot one. Richard Branson may live in this type of hedonistic, hook-up, lets shag environment, but not everyone does nor do they want to. And guys, don’t think I’ve left you out. Some women can be just as persistent and obnoxious when in pursuit of a potential boyfriend, one-nighter or just because he’s hot! Not all men are whores nor do they all appreciate an over-zealous woman.

I think that Richard Branson had an idea that should have remained an idea in his head…the one on his shoulders and not the one due south. DONE!

Virgin America Wants Fliers to ‘Get Lucky’ at 35,000 Feet

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Published: Wednesday, 24 Apr 2013 | 11:50 AM ET

By: 

If you’ve ever wanted to flirt with passengers across the aisle and send them a cocktail — without corralling the help of a flight attendant — Virgin America has the answer.

The carrier on Monday introduced a cheeky new seat-to-seat ordering system. Without the assistance of an attendant, you can discreetly order a drink, snack or meal delivered to a fellow passenger on-board your flight.

(Read moreRoad Warrior Tested: Virgin America First Class)

And to promote the new feature, airline founder Sir Richard Branson posted a videoon Virgin America’s Facebook page explaining how to “get lucky at 35,000 feet.”

How It Works

Your flirting begins on the airline’s touch-screen personal entertainment system, located on the back of headrests. Call up the flight’s digital seat map and send a cocktail, snack or meal to a fellow traveler on-board  After selecting items and paying with a credit card, a flight attendant delivers the goodies directly to the passenger’s seat.

After the delivery, you can follow-up and chat with your object of affection with Virgin America’s existing seat-to-seat chat platform via its Red in-flight entertainment system. The chat platform allows travelers to send text messages to other fliers.

(Read moreVirgin America Extends Elite Offer to American, Southwest, United Fliers)

“I’m not a betting man, but I say your chance of deplaning with a plus-one are at least 50 percent,” Branson said in the Get Lucky on Virgin America video posted on the airline’s Facebook page.

So fliers… would you break the ice with a fellow traveler by sending them a drink?

 

Has the News Become a Series of Gotcha! Moments?

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Yesterday I was surfing the Net and came across this story about Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o. It appears that he has either been the victim of an elaborate on-line hoax, perpetuated the hoax himself or as one of the theories floating out in the clouds intimated, that he’s really in the  “closet” about his sexuality.

Here’s the background…Deadspin.com was given a tip on Te’o’s girlfriend who was supposedly in a car accident, then diagnosed with leukemia. It seems that before Notre Dame’s game with Michigan State, he found out that his “girlfriend” and grandmother had passed away. So he was heralded as this strong, determined person, powering through pain and grief leading his team to an upset over Michigan State. Feel good story, with all the heart-strings pulled, violins and harps playing in the background…

Well, not so fast there chief, yes his beloved grandmother Annette Santiago did pass on, but his girlfriend is another story. Lennay Kekua doesn’t exist. There was no record of a car accident, no one enrolled at the college she supposedly attended; the background check returned absolutely nothing on a Lennay Kekua.

There’s more but the story is just too bizarre to go into all the intricate details. Nevertheless, he issued this statement:

“This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with a woman I met online,” Te’o said in the release. “We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about her. To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone’s sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating.

“It further pains me that the grief I felt and the sympathies expressed to me at the time of my grandmother’s death in September were in any way deepened by what I believed to be another significant loss in my life. I am enormously grateful for the support of my family, friends and Notre Dame fans throughout this year. To think that I shared with them my happiness about my relationship and details that I thought to be true about her just makes me sick.”

Who knows what is really going on there, but the one thing I do know is our media, and I’m very much a part of it too, is so obsessed with bringing people down, it’s become sexual in nature. It’s almost as if some of the journalists and reporters are orgasmic when they can uncover some lie, indiscretion or varying degrees of bad behavior. I was watching Good Morning America and one of the Deadspin reporters who uncovered this little sordid tale, was so damn self-righteous and obnoxious, it almost made me want to start digging into his background. Yep, lets shake his trees and see what falls out. Glass houses people.

The man was giddy; the complete sick  joy he took in catching this young man in an alleged lie was written all over his face. He seriously couldn’t contain himself. Never-mind that all the facts aren’t in yet. He has accused, indicated and convicted this young man of this hoax and in his mind, that’s pretty much the end of it.

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But there’s this phenomenon called “Catfishing”. This is where people are anonymously on-line pretending to be other people, other genders, other everything and literally duping unsuspecting, lonely people into all sorts of scams and hoaxes. So it is very possible that Manti Te’o IS a victim.

I’m dismayed at what journalism has become. Gone are the days where stories are just too sordid and untoward to publish as well as fact checking first, before you present the story to the public. Everyone wants the “Big Get”. And unfortunately, some members of the media will do anything that’s necessary, even if their tactics are questionable, to get the story. We build these athletes, celebrities and many others in the public eye up so far in the stratosphere, they’re almost God-like, put them on pedestals, only to take pleasure in knocking them back down. It’s truly a vicious cycle and a disturbing game.

When you look at it in a broad sense, some journalists are just a different level of paparazzi. They do exactly the same thing, just with a better title, more money and a cooler, more accepted platform to spew their venom. Some write for fabulous magazines, sit on über flashy sets, but the basic premise is the same. They invade people’s privacy, dig into their backgrounds (interviewing someone’s 2nd cousin’s uncle’s stepmother, who married their brother’s 1st cousin’s mother’s nephew’s wife) act pompous and self-righteous, tell the public that what they’re doing is for their benefit because they have a right to know and then go on every day and nighttime TV show that will have them, ultimately basking in their own reverence at destroying someone’s life.

Basically…GOTCHA!

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Examiner Local Editorial – D.C.: No more foot-dragging on IG’s recommendations

This is an interesting article on what can happen when the elderly are exploited and abused in a system that’s suppose to be there to protect them. One of my dearest friends is battling a court appointed conservator for access to her mother’s finances. It is a sad commentary when the courts can come into a person’s life, with only lies and deception as their license to hijack, and plunge good people into Hell with dishonest conservators and questionable judges.

If you think that it can’t happen to you, then think again. Get your elderly relative’s legal documents in order, outlining specifically who is in charge and what they want done. Meaning, draw up the power of attorney for healthcare, financial and disposition of remains with the name of the person(s) who has the right to control the individual in question….in life and in death. Never allow yourself to get ensnared in an unjust and corrupt system because you will be fighting the good fight for years and ultimately, even if you prevail and the ruling is in your favor, you’ve lost. Think about it.

No more foot-dragging on IG’s recommendations

Having an internal watchdog to audit city agencies does not result in significant improvements in performance and operations if those same agencies fail to make the recommended changes. But as The Washington Examiner’s Alan Blinder reported last week, that’s exactly what happened in D.C., where 11 of 21 agencies failed to implement at least one of the recommendations made by Inspector General Charles Willoughby’s team of auditors.

District law confers the responsibility of overseeing the IG’s recommendations on the Office of Risk Management. But Willoughby’s latest report notes that since fiscal 2005, the ORM has not tracked the implementation of at least 44 of his recommendations to make sure they were implemented. The same old excuses were cited as reasons agency heads apparently felt free to blow off auditors on issues that included the recovery of overpayments to city contractors: not enough money or staff, legal restrictions, etc.

Mayor Vincent Gray and D.C. Council members should no longer allow agency heads to get away with such excuses. If they can’t or won’t fix the problems identified by the D.C. Office of the Inspector General in a timely fashion, they should be replaced.

Particularly damning was the IG’s determination that D.C. Adult Protective Services repeatedly failed to report criminal incidents of abuse, neglect and exploitation of elderly and vulnerable adults to the police. Willoughby warned that “unabated” problems in the troubled agency left the door open for known or suspected criminals to prey on elderly and disabled citizens without fear of prosecution, which his team substantiated at the average rate of 10 cases per month.

APS claimed that it lacks a “formal system to communicate with police” — which other adult protective services in other cities manage to do on a regular basis. Doesn’t anybody over there know how to dial 911?

Protecting this vulnerable population is supposed to be APS’ main job, so this is a mission-critical failing. D.C. Council Member Jim Graham called the IG’s report “amazing and upsetting,” but District citizens have told The Examiner that they were repeatedly ignored when they asked APS and various council members to help elderly relatives who were being exploited.

APS has finally agreed to create a partnership with the Metropolitan Police Department. But like the other foot-dragging agencies named in the report, it cannot be trusted to follow through without direct supervision by ORM — which should also be required to report to the council on a monthly basis.

Can I get a Thumbs up on this one!!!

For once, something that makes sense came out of the mouth of an out of touch politician.

Rick Santorum Says “Smart People Will Never Be On Our Side”

Santorum tells values voters to be wary of the media elite.

Rosie GrayBuzzFeed Staff

Image by Jason Reed / Reuters

Posted Sep 15, 2012 1:07pm EDT

WASHINGTON, DC — Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum attacked the media and “smart people” for not being on the side of conservatives in a speech to the Values Voter Summit on Saturday.

“We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country,” Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator, told the audience at the Omni Shoreham hotel. “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

The media “doesn’t like the other side,” Santorum said. “And not necessarily, I would argue, because they agree with them, but because they can influence the country.

“If just a few people make decisions about what this world looks like, what this country looks like, then you have people sitting in offices at major media outlets and Hollywood who think they can deal with a small group of people, to get them to jump through the hoops they want you to,” Santorum said.

Santorum also criticized the libertarian wing of the Republican party for not supporting what he sees as the pillars of conservatism: religion and family.

“When it comes to conservatism libertarian types can say, oh, well you know, we don’t want to talk about social issues,” Santorum said. “Without the church and the family, there is no conservative movement, there is no basic values of America.”