A Case Study: The I’m’s…..

signs-that-you-are-narcissistic

You know who they are — we work with them, we may live with them, we’re friends with them, they’re disbursed throughout our families, we pass them in cars and on the street everyday. Those familiar people who, for lack of a better word, are assholes who think the world revolves around THEM. They are what I comically call “The I’m’s“.

They can call or text early in the morning, late at night, at work, in the store, in the gym, in the car….anywhere at anytime when they need YOUR help. They sound the alarm and expect you to come running and, like the sucker you are, you answer the call to action. They will walk through a burning fire, scale the highest mountain, swim in the deepest ocean, fight the most abominable traffic, hop a flight, take a cab, get on the bus, walk, take the subway, go out into the hottest weather or the coldest blizzard to get to you when THEY need something.

But here is when they earn their title. You may be someone who rarely asks for favors and try to handle your life like a BOSS. But the second you ask one of these “I’m’s” for the teeniest, tiniest of favors, here it comes, what for it…I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’m too sleepy, I’m too hungry, I’m too hot, I’m too cold, I’m too exhausted (to drive), I’m not in your neighborhood, I’m stuck on the freeway and it’s too far out of my way, I’m working late, I’m digging a tunnel to China, I’m feeding the cat/dog, I’m washing my car, I’m picking my nose, I’m plucking my eyebrows, I’m scratching my butt (it may take a while), I’m involved with family commitments (family is never an issue for these people until it involves helping you, that’s their excuse), I’m inventing the cure for whatever illness I can think of that will get me out of assisting you, I’m too broke to drive because I need to conserve my gas so I can get to work, though they forgot their lie and posted numerous pictures on Facebook and Instagram of them out at a swanky restaurant or party, bragging about how much fun they had. This list could literally go on forever. But I think you get point.

The I’m’s are basically narcissists with a little bit of passive/aggressiveness and egomania thrown in for good measure. Usually they’re innocuous and they’re not particularly bad people. But they are draining and infuriating. They have no idea that their actions affect their relationships with people in their personal as well as their professional lives. They only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear and everything else is white noise. They can pick other people apart at the seams but when they’re called on their bullshit, they become extremely defensive, then try to flip the script and blame the issue on YOU. It’s Psych 101…..a classic move if there ever was one.

images

So it brings me to this little sage piece of advice: if they’re in your life, you must make a decision if they’re worth the frustration, headaches and hurt feelings you’ll have dealing with them. Can you accept the mind-numbing fact that they are who they are and they won’t change. Or do you jump ship, swim as fast as you can to the shore, get to a safe haven, shower, change your clothes and catch the first thing smokin’ as far away from them as you can get. The choice is yours. I have some decisions to make of my own and it may be painful but I know what I need to do to preserve my sanity. You see, I’m not your garden variety woman, I have 1-800-FUCK-YOU on speed dial. I have very few problems with doing a surgical incision on relationships that are more of a liability than an asset. That’s just who I am.

So until next time, have a great weekend and I will keep everyone posted on my Winter cleaning. 🙂 Peace!

Hello My Name Is….SINGLE!

single

Someone recently asked me if I ever plan on getting married again and the answer was a resounding NO! Not that I’m against marriage but I’ve been there and done that. And in all fairness to my ex, he’s not some bad, lying and cheating man who was the consummate evil. We just drifted in different directions but we’re still great friends. I’ve found that for me, marriage doesn’t agree with my personality nor my temperament. I’ve never been a woman who needed a ring, a piece of paper and a kid to validate me. I’m lucky, I grew up with parents who never pressured me to conform. My mom always said that my life was my life and no one else’s. I needed to do what felt right to me and if that meant never getting married and having kids or any combination thereof, so be it.
I’ve heard all the formulaic cautionary tales and musings about being single and childless and I say suck it. Being married and having kids guarantees nothing. Just look at the people dumped in nursing homes because those lovely children of theirs no longer want to be bothered. Well, that is unless there’s money involved but that’s another topic of conversation. Oh and there’s Peter and Polly Perfect. The ones you just want to smack, droning on and on about their perfect marriage, their perfect kids, their perfect dogs, their perfect home, their perfect car, their perfect job….just perfect…perfect…perfect!!!! Ugh!
I’m always very leery of anyone singing the praises of their perfect marriages and lives. It brings to mind, “doth protest too much, methinks”. Many times, sad to say, those marriages are the ones in the most trouble. It isn’t impossible to have a happy marriage and yes there are many people who’ve been married for decades. My parents for one. But society, family and friends need to pull their foot off the gas pedal and stop making the assumption that marriage is what everyone wants. Some people aren’t marriage or parent material. It doesn’t make them bad people, it just means they had common sense enough to know themselves. I believe fully, if you are unhappy in your marriage and you’ve done all you can do to salvage it, then leave. You can’t make someone want to be with you if they’ve emotionally or physically checked out. Far too many times people live on fantasy island and believe in fairytales. Fairytales only exist in films and books. Life is a different ball of wax.
I think the divorce rate would plummet if people started being real with themselves about what it is they truly want before they get married and have children. I also think society should back way off with indoctrinating people with the idea that the only way they will find true happiness and fulfillment is through marriage and children. That may be true for some, but not all. Marriage can be a wonderful joining of two mature people who know what they want and are working toward that goal. But life can also be a beautiful thing when people work towards their goals going solo. Not everyone does well land-locked and guess what…that’s okay too. You owe no one any explanations on how you conduct your life…it’s yours, so now go out there and enjoy it.
1309141

Show less

1

Blake Lively’s New Lifestyle Site

BtJ60REIUAAsfDY.jpg large

 

I did a quick drive-by on Blake Lively’s new “lifestyle” website called Preserve.us. Welp, that was a serious waste of time. I’m all for capitalism and entrepreneurship; have no issue with people getting paid. But where I draw the line is, celebrities going live with these websites (Gwyneth Paltrow and her idiotic GOOP site comes to mind) selling merchandise that is either far too expensive for the average person. Or loaded with products that can be bought at any supermarket, department store or my personal favorite, Bed, Bath and Beyond, for much less. Blake Lively’s site is full of inane ramblings, random over-used quotes, odd pictures and quite frankly a very depressing tone emanating from the home page….bizarre.

Then when you look further and go to the product prompt, there’s BBQ sauce mixed with jewelry, clothing, pillows and other items that visually, makes no damned sense. Just because you can do something, doesn’t always mean you should. I feel Ms. Lively should probably do what she does best and that’s walk red carpets, wear fabulously expensive designer clothes, cuddle up to that hunky bundle of goodness husband of hers and just be a TV and movie star. Lets face it, she’s not Kim K who can make a dollar out of 10 cents for doing nothing. But I’m sure she’ll do well selling her wares to other celebs and the wealthy who have disposable income to burn. After-all, they’re usually the ones who keep celebrity sites afloat anyway. I mean outside of a handful of star-struck fans but that’s another topic I’ll save for later.

Batsh*t Crazy…Why Narcissists Make Your Head Explode!

images

We all know them; we work with them,  interact with them at events, parties, numerous social gatherings, school  and yes, they’re even in our  families. The ever-present all-consuming ones who create drama…they feed off volatile situations like legendary vampires feed off human blood. They go from person to person telling tales of imaginary wrongs foisted upon them by the abundance of bad people who always mean them ill-will. And believe me, it’s always and forever someone else and never them.

They can’t keep a job because the boss, lets see — hates them, is jealous of them, less intelligent than them, less deserving of the title than them and we can’t forget the “isms”, no need to name them. Never-mind the insignificant little details that may involve tardiness, insubordination, arrogance and possible incompetence. That’s conveniently left out of the conversation because…wait for it, it’s not their fault! Shhhhhhhh….

If their relationships or marriages fall apart, of course, they’re the injured party and here comes the pity express. Need I say more. They rant, rave, pout, whine, storm out of rooms like crazy people, point fingers, foster hellish and nightmarish situations that an Academy Award winning screenwriter couldn’t possibly dream up in a thousand years. But somehow in their twisted sense of self, they will never own up to being the writer, director, editor, executive producer and star of their own melodrama or in many cases, horror film.

Oh, and lest I forget, how they can drag other people into their bizarre psychotic episodes. They can have you embroiled in conflicts that you have no knowledge of until you start receiving texts, Facebook messages, Tweets, phone calls and emails asking to explain. And your first thought is what the fuck is going on?????? Then you call them on their bullshit and out comes the righteous indignation; head explosion part deux!

exploding-head

 

Who am I talking about….energy vampires, malignant narcissists, self-absorbed morons, all about me jerks and batshit crazy loonies who live in a world created by them, for them and about them. No matter what, they can take a perfectly happy day and obliterate it into dust. When the meme “misery loves company” was invented, it was a person who was victimized by one of these foreboding creatures.

So people, take it  from one who knows, get these joy-sucking leeches out of your life! They serve no one but themselves and they don’t love anyone more than they love themselves. It’s evidenced by the their constant praising (of themselves) and kissing their own asses.  Oops, almost forgot, they’re smarter than everyone else on the planet and  they have no hesitation in telling you that…often. These nutters will drain the last ounce of breath out of your body and brain cells out of your head. They inherently aren’t worth what you go through to deal with them. They will never change but what they will do, is change YOU!

RUN!!!!! Your physical and emotional health depends on it!!!

Flirting at 35,000 feet…Bad Idea.

images

 

I was reading an article (see below) about Richard Branson coming up with this idea where if you see someone on your flight that you may want to get to know, you can send them over a drink, food…whatever is necessary to get their attention.

This is an extremely bad idea. As a woman who often flies for business, the last thing I want is some creepy guy I don’t know sending me a drink. Then if I decline, I run the risk of either having a very uncomfortable situation at 35,000 feet or being harassed as I’m walking through the airport after the flight. Been there…done that. Booze, horniness, women and men don’t mix in a closed, inescapable environment such as the cabin on a plane unless you’re with your significant other and you want to join the mile-high club. And even then, you really should hold it for the hotel.

Women have to be extra cautious and show due diligence when traveling alone as it is, then to be put in a position where if a guy is rebuffed and becomes agitated,  you’d have no recourse other than to involve the flight crew …oh HELL NO! I don’t even accept drinks in clubs while out with friends.

Unfortunately, there are crazy, unstable people walking and living among us and you can’t always spot one. Richard Branson may live in this type of hedonistic, hook-up, lets shag environment, but not everyone does nor do they want to. And guys, don’t think I’ve left you out. Some women can be just as persistent and obnoxious when in pursuit of a potential boyfriend, one-nighter or just because he’s hot! Not all men are whores nor do they all appreciate an over-zealous woman.

I think that Richard Branson had an idea that should have remained an idea in his head…the one on his shoulders and not the one due south. DONE!

Virgin America Wants Fliers to ‘Get Lucky’ at 35,000 Feet

 Text Size  

Published: Wednesday, 24 Apr 2013 | 11:50 AM ET

By: 

If you’ve ever wanted to flirt with passengers across the aisle and send them a cocktail — without corralling the help of a flight attendant — Virgin America has the answer.

The carrier on Monday introduced a cheeky new seat-to-seat ordering system. Without the assistance of an attendant, you can discreetly order a drink, snack or meal delivered to a fellow passenger on-board your flight.

(Read moreRoad Warrior Tested: Virgin America First Class)

And to promote the new feature, airline founder Sir Richard Branson posted a videoon Virgin America’s Facebook page explaining how to “get lucky at 35,000 feet.”

How It Works

Your flirting begins on the airline’s touch-screen personal entertainment system, located on the back of headrests. Call up the flight’s digital seat map and send a cocktail, snack or meal to a fellow traveler on-board  After selecting items and paying with a credit card, a flight attendant delivers the goodies directly to the passenger’s seat.

After the delivery, you can follow-up and chat with your object of affection with Virgin America’s existing seat-to-seat chat platform via its Red in-flight entertainment system. The chat platform allows travelers to send text messages to other fliers.

(Read moreVirgin America Extends Elite Offer to American, Southwest, United Fliers)

“I’m not a betting man, but I say your chance of deplaning with a plus-one are at least 50 percent,” Branson said in the Get Lucky on Virgin America video posted on the airline’s Facebook page.

So fliers… would you break the ice with a fellow traveler by sending them a drink?

 

Throwback Music Friday – The Smooth Sounds of the Whispers

140164Thewhispersimages

I’ve been on a break because I had surgery but today I’m feeling better and particularly nostalgic. I remember back in the day when music soothed your soul, got you on the dance floor and your parents didn’t have to worry about the message in the lyrics. The message was clear, love ruled and raunchy wasn’t even on the radar.

Today, I know some of you probably haven’t heard of this group but not too long ago, their songs were the “baby-making” music of a generation. A slick soulful group comprised of twin brothers Wallace and Walter Scott, Leaveil Degree, Nicholas Caldwell and Marcus Hutson who died in 2000. Of course anyone who is into R & B would know the fabulous and dynamic Whispers.

Their career started back in the 1960’s but I became aware of their sound in the 80’s with such hits as In the Raw, Just Gets Better With Time, In the Mood, Rock Steady, And the Beat Goes On and It’s a Love Thing. 

With an over 40 year career under their belts, they were inducted into The Vocal Group Hall of Fame in 2003. They were given The Rhythm and Blues prestigious Pioneer Award in 2008. And with an overwhelming popular vote, they were inducted into the SoulMusic Hall of Fame at SoulMusic.com in 2012.

Here you go, I’m overloading you with my boys…Just Gets Better With Time, In The Mood, In The Raw, It’s A Love Thing and a surprise…who knows what song number 5 will be, but I guarantee it’s as sweet as honey, The Whispers yall!

Throwback Music Friday is Rolling Along!

eric-clapton-4clapton-Hulton-Archive

Thanks to everyone who’ve enjoyed my Throwback Music Fridays. Today’s featured artist is the incomparable Eric Clapton…born Eric Patrick Clapton in Ripley, Surrey, England.

At thirteen, Eric received his first acoustic guitar, a Hoyer made in Germany. But the inexpensive steel-stringed instrument was difficult to play and he briefly lost interest. Two years later Clapton picked it up again, started playing consistently and that was the beginning of his long and illustrious career in music.

Eric Clapton is the only three-time inductee to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Once as a soloist and twice as a member of the groups The Yardbirds and Cream. He has often been referred to as one of the greatest, most important and influential guitarists of all time.

As a Blues enthusiast from a young age, he cites B.B. King, Albert King, Freddie King, Buddy Guy and Hubert Sumlin as his guitar playing influences. But Clapton stated that Blues musician Robert Johnson was his single most important influence. In 2004 as an homage, he released CD’s and DVD’s titled Sessions for Robert Johnson featuring Clapton covering Robert Johnson songs using electric and acoustic guitar.

So here’s an ol’ skool  Clapton three-fer; from 1977’s Slowhand, the controversial Cocaine. 1970’s Layla from Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs and lastly, taking you back to his days with Cream, 1968’s White Room from the album Wheels of Fire.

images

  • about.me

    about.me/sydney.chandler

  • Browse Category

  • Archives

  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • Latest Tweets

  • Category Cloud