Hello My Name Is….SINGLE!

single

Someone recently asked me if I ever plan on getting married again and the answer was a resounding NO! Not that I’m against marriage but I’ve been there and done that. And in all fairness to my ex, he’s not some bad, lying and cheating man who was the consummate evil. We just drifted in different directions but we’re still great friends. I’ve found that for me, marriage doesn’t agree with my personality nor my temperament. I’ve never been a woman who needed a ring, a piece of paper and a kid to validate me. I’m lucky, I grew up with parents who never pressured me to conform. My mom always said that my life was my life and no one else’s. I needed to do what felt right to me and if that meant never getting married and having kids or any combination thereof, so be it.
I’ve heard all the formulaic cautionary tales and musings about being single and childless and I say suck it. Being married and having kids guarantees nothing. Just look at the people dumped in nursing homes because those lovely children of theirs no longer want to be bothered. Well, that is unless there’s money involved but that’s another topic of conversation. Oh and there’s Peter and Polly Perfect. The ones you just want to smack, droning on and on about their perfect marriage, their perfect kids, their perfect dogs, their perfect home, their perfect car, their perfect job….just perfect…perfect…perfect!!!! Ugh!
I’m always very leery of anyone singing the praises of their perfect marriages and lives. It brings to mind, “doth protest too much, methinks”. Many times, sad to say, those marriages are the ones in the most trouble. It isn’t impossible to have a happy marriage and yes there are many people who’ve been married for decades. My parents for one. But society, family and friends need to pull their foot off the gas pedal and stop making the assumption that marriage is what everyone wants. Some people aren’t marriage or parent material. It doesn’t make them bad people, it just means they had common sense enough to know themselves. I believe fully, if you are unhappy in your marriage and you’ve done all you can do to salvage it, then leave. You can’t make someone want to be with you if they’ve emotionally or physically checked out. Far too many times people live on fantasy island and believe in fairytales. Fairytales only exist in films and books. Life is a different ball of wax.
I think the divorce rate would plummet if people started being real with themselves about what it is they truly want before they get married and have children. I also think society should back way off with indoctrinating people with the idea that the only way they will find true happiness and fulfillment is through marriage and children. That may be true for some, but not all. Marriage can be a wonderful joining of two mature people who know what they want and are working toward that goal. But life can also be a beautiful thing when people work towards their goals going solo. Not everyone does well land-locked and guess what…that’s okay too. You owe no one any explanations on how you conduct your life…it’s yours, so now go out there and enjoy it.
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2 Comments

  1. I love the new cover from your movie trailer, and I second that motion, go out and live, enjoy your life, regardless of what other people say, do or think. Trust me they have their own issues, flaws, and shortcomings, even if they do live in a city called denial. For those perfect people, well here is a news flash, they don’t exist. There are no perfect people. We all should strive for perfection with the key phrase being, “strive for.” We all make mistakes, have problems, encounter challenges, and there is nothing wrong with admitting the fact. As a matter of fact, until one can admit that there is a problem, then the problem can’t be fixed. Denial is probably one of the top reasons for divorce, because people refuse to admit that there are problems, in their marriage until it’s to late, and the whole thing blows up like a bum fire.
    Like my girl Syd, I am single, and very much ok with that. Unlike Syd, I am also very much marriage minded, and have always wanted a family of my own, but unlike those folks living in denial, I refused to settle for the wrong person, and find myself living in a life of misery. My motto on that is ” I’d rather have a few days of loneliness, than a lifetime of misery.” I live a very fulfilling life, have healthy relationships/friendships, travel, and basically do whatever I want to do, and I don’t need a husband to live. I think many times people confuse wants, desires, and needs. We need air. We need water, and food. We need shelter, but marriage is a want, a desire. So yes I desire a husband, but at the same time I refuse to settle for someone who is inappropriate or un-compatible for me. I’ve been there, and done that. So as I jokingly say, I may be the oldest bride wobbling, shuffling, or hopping down the isle, but at least it will be what’s right for me. So whether married or single, in the words of Shania Twain, “I Hope You Dance.”

    • That’s my girl! You get it! Yes, you’ve always been the marrying kind of girl but I had to be real with myself because I know marriage slows me down. I need room to breathe and expand. And yes, a lot of the trouble with people and their perfectness is denial as well as fear. So many people fear being alone, fear failing, fear what other people will say and how they will treat them. And denial is a bitch! Too many married people who know the marriage is over just hang on for dear life thinking if they ignore the problems long enough, they’ll just go away and life will go back to normal. WRONG! The vast majority of times, the problem will only become deeper and more toxic. Then that’s when you have resentment and sometimes complete disrespect. I love Khalil but I know I’m not that 24/7, 365 days a year woman. And yes, I’m okay with that and he is too. We actually get along better now than trying to live under the same roof. Life really is far too short to settle and be miserable in a situation you know isn’t right for you. And is that selfish, HECK NO! What’s selfish is trying to maintain the fiction when each one of you can find happiness elsewhere if you choose. And thanks girl for the kudos on the movie trailer. You know you’ll be right there at the premiere! Peace!


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